To Tinder or Not to Tinder

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Dearest of blog readers.

I don’t know why so many of you have told me to sign up for Tinder.  I assume you want to hear the horror stories.  I have been highly resistant to signing up, let’s be honest it’s a hook-up site and I’m not into that.

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However, should my blogging readers demand it, I will sign up for a week and report back.  Give me some feedback people!

Its Come to This

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The Vancouver dating scene is tough.  I’m not sure it’s easy anywhere truth be told.  Why pay for a dating site when you can pay for results instead?  This lady has definitely received a lot of publicity lately, who knows if it will actually work for her. I definitely get her frustration with the shitty losers out there.

If you set me up with someone and the two of us go on five successful dinner dates, I will reward you with a personalized prize pack containing a collection of your favourite things as a token of thanks.

If your match and I become engaged, and I am in possession of a diamond ring you will receive the grand prize – a destination vacation package for one.

Destination Vacation Ideas:

  • Includes airfare, travel and accommodation to a destination of your choice (up to maximum value amount)

http://datingincentiveprogram.weebly.com/

Given that no incentives are given out until 5 dinner dates have been had she isn’t likely to be spending much on the incentives.  If you haven’t figured it out in a date or two, the 5th date isn’t going to help.

Last Week

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I’ve gotten off my blogging schedule. Usually I post at 9am on Saturday and Wednesday, but this week I’ve been doing the fun stuff.

The week started with car troubles.  It’s a long story, but the car is running, and I live in denial that I need to fix anything.  I have decided what car I will buy next however it is 100% out of my budget. I’m thinking maybe I need a part time job…

Hot Yoga

hot-yoga

This style of yoga came highly recommended to me by a friend.  She told me that it was yoga in a sauna room that was not very hot, but just a warm room.  When the class before mine ended and every single person came out drenched in sweat and mascara running down their faces I knew I had been lied to.

One hour later and I was raccoon eyed and drenched too.  I may be hooked.  In fact, I decided to ditch my gym altogether, I may have to do a blog post about getting out of my contract.

Waste of time dates.  One I went to one and I pulled a no show on another.  Date number one was a shittier version of his pictures online.  He was covered in dog hair and may or may not live with his parents.  As he walked me to my car I noticed something.  I was walking a slow pace for me, and he was huffing and puffing, 90 year olds are more fit than this guy.  He had a freakishly large head and reminded me so much of this Family Guy character.

Celebrity City

The other date was as secretive as an undercover spy but was cute enough that I was willing to put up with his artful dodging of my questions.  At the last moment he changed the date to a bottle of wine on his couch.  I suspect he actually had a girlfriend and didn’t really care who showed up at his house that night.  With no one else on the horizon, I may have to meet the guy behind the dumpster at the 7-11 after all.

I also went to the farmers market to buy from my grumpy vendor.  This week she was happy, chatty and offered to put aside whatever I wanted since she was mostly sold out by the time I arrived.  I also made a quick stop at a small business vendor event at The Elk’s club in White Rock.

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Feature Creature – Dense Edition

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Scene: Saturday Night- I’m out at a show.  My phone starts going mental, I check the notifications because I assume there is a life and death emergency that I need to attend to.  Nope it’s a guy on one of the dating websites.  Let me give you a transcript…

Dude is a 33 year old, no profile picture, nothing written in his profile other than he’s looking for a woman between 18 and 51.

Me- well obviously that’s me.  Urban goddess frequents yoga studios, coffee shops and farmer’s markets.

Dude– You looks very sexy

Dude– Do you live in New Westminster why don’t we meet tomorrow at Hops pub. only if interested (note: dive bar under a train station that I wouldn’t be caught dead in)

Dude– I’m a dark brown athletic young guy

Me– Hopps????? That’s pretty low rent.  Behind the 7-11 on 12th st is too fancy? (note: even shittier part of town)

Dude– Ok can we meet there

Dude– Are you interested?

Me– Sure I’m already there.  To the left of the dumpster.  Ignore the dude in the fedora.  Please bring mustard.  All will be explained later.

Dude– Can we meet in the afternoon (note: it was at this point that I realized I had a dumb one)

Me– Oh that might be tough.  I have a business meeting at The Ivanhoe and a coffee thing at the Number 7 Orange.  And then I’m saving baby whales at night.  Darn.  It might not work. (note: the Ivanhoe is a bar, and the Number 7 Orange is a strip club both are in skid row)

Dude-Till what time you will be there

Me– Well… Tough to say.  Maybe you should just go there.  Obviously I will never arrive but maybe you will find what you’re looking for.

Dude– Who is there?

Dude– I love to meet you

Me– Thank you for being the must dense guy in a while.  You will be featured on my blog.

Me– Goodbye.

Dude– Can we meet?

Me– Not a chance

Dude– Ok.

meet you here, bring mustard

meet you here, bring mustard

Racial Profiling

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I know you are instantly thinking of some sort of agency hunting down people that look a certain way.  I assure you this blog is not that serious.

I’m talking about racial profiling in online dating.   You see I get a lot of responses from one specific ethnicity.  At first I thought it was a coincidence.  In talking with friends I’ve learned that it’s some sort of stereotype driven fetish.  In fact I even found a term for it: racial fetishism

 fetishizing a person or culture belonging to a race that is not one’s own—therefore it involves racial stereotyping and objectifying those bodies who are stereotyped, and oftentimes their cultural practices

I have lived my entire life without knowing that I fit right into an entire sub-content’s idea of a sexy slut.  Not even the type you need to take out to dinner, but pretty much an escort.  I had read about this phenomena on a website called Creepy White Guys, an entire website with snippets of conversations from total psychos.  Most of the posts are directed at Asian women from white guys.  I was going to post a couple of examples, but they are just insane and gross. I had mentioned to a friend that I was getting a version of “Creepy Guy” and I had a new sympathy for Asian women who do online dating.  Little did I know he was a Creepy White Guy!  He explained he was looking for an Asian woman because she would be submissive, polite, quiet and petite because then she wouldn’t be like a white woman ie his ex-wife.  I quickly referred him to the Creepy White Guy site, and he was amazed to hear that such a thing existed and that Asian women get bombarded by white guys and may not appreciate it.  I also hope he learned that his stereotyped view of Asian women is fucked up.

Back to my scenario, I do respond to everyone even if it’s just to say I’m not interested,  I think it’s just good manners.  A few times I’ve gotten a response that my decision is based on their ethnicity when really it’s not.  It’s because the entire email only spoke about my thighs and how men in my country are crazy or blind.  If that’s all you got from my profile, I’m not interested. I’m not sure why this particular part of the world got this stereotype, maybe porn, or maybe Maury Povich, but it’s really annoying.

Out of curiosity I asked google what a typical white woman looked like and this is what I got:

typical-white-woman images

Thanks Google for making me a phone sexing Barbie doll.  Although it’s not that great for anyone else either:

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Honestly there were all in the first few results.

 

 

Feature Creature: Bottom of the Dumpster

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It’s been an interesting week of online dating messages.  All of them deserve blog posts on their own, but I’ve been too busy to properly string them along to see just how sideshow they really are.  It’s a never ending parade of freaks.

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Just your typical 57 year old taking selfies in Kamloops motel rooms and sending me messages.  So gross.  Why would I want to date someone 23 years older than me?  I thought about telling him to go date an 80 year old (23 years older than him).  Instead I told him to get a life and blocked him.

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Just your typical cuddly teddy bear looking for an angel.  Although he might be a nice person, the English in his profile was so bad I could hardly understand it.  I’ll summarize, he has no hobbies, no social life and really really wants to cuddle someone, anyone.  Guaranteed leach, escaping his chubby arms would not be an easy task.

scrappy

This guy makes a living by collecting scrap metal, so essentially a dumpster diver with the posture of a wet noodle.  Lucky for me he’s 650Km away and he’d have to collect scrap for 10 years before he’d get enough money to hop on a greyhound bus to Vancouver.

Now don’t despair for me, there have been some half decent ones as well this week, they just don’t deserve to be blogged about.

Adventures in Online Dating Part 1

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What’s a eco-singleton to do but put herself out there on the internet and wait for the strangest fish in the ocean to swim on by.  My friends and co-workers are so entertained by the strange responses I get.  Some websites are better than others.  This might become a new feature on the blog.  Maybe instead of Adventures in Online Dating it should be called “Feature Creature”?

 

Creature #1

Creature #1

Sadly this was the most normal part of the conversation.  After I told him his lack of conversation skills was the reason he was single, he then sent me a very very long response explaining why this was a perfectly acceptable start to a conversation with a stranger.  I didn’t save that part of the conversation but rest assured, it was full on crazy.