Dearest of blog readers.
I don’t know why so many of you have told me to sign up for Tinder. I assume you want to hear the horror stories. I have been highly resistant to signing up, let’s be honest it’s a hook-up site and I’m not into that.
However, should my blogging readers demand it, I will sign up for a week and report back. Give me some feedback people!
The Vancouver dating scene is tough. I’m not sure it’s easy anywhere truth be told. Why pay for a dating site when you can pay for results instead? This lady has definitely received a lot of publicity lately, who knows if it will actually work for her. I definitely get her frustration with the shitty losers out there.
If you set me up with someone and the two of us go on five successful dinner dates, I will reward you with a personalized prize pack containing a collection of your favourite things as a token of thanks.
If your match and I become engaged, and I am in possession of a diamond ring you will receive the grand prize – a destination vacation package for one.
Destination Vacation Ideas:
- Includes airfare, travel and accommodation to a destination of your choice (up to maximum value amount)
Given that no incentives are given out until 5 dinner dates have been had she isn’t likely to be spending much on the incentives. If you haven’t figured it out in a date or two, the 5th date isn’t going to help.
I’ve gotten off my blogging schedule. Usually I post at 9am on Saturday and Wednesday, but this week I’ve been doing the fun stuff.
The week started with car troubles. It’s a long story, but the car is running, and I live in denial that I need to fix anything. I have decided what car I will buy next however it is 100% out of my budget. I’m thinking maybe I need a part time job…
This style of yoga came highly recommended to me by a friend. She told me that it was yoga in a sauna room that was not very hot, but just a warm room. When the class before mine ended and every single person came out drenched in sweat and mascara running down their faces I knew I had been lied to.
One hour later and I was raccoon eyed and drenched too. I may be hooked. In fact, I decided to ditch my gym altogether, I may have to do a blog post about getting out of my contract.
Waste of time dates. One I went to one and I pulled a no show on another. Date number one was a shittier version of his pictures online. He was covered in dog hair and may or may not live with his parents. As he walked me to my car I noticed something. I was walking a slow pace for me, and he was huffing and puffing, 90 year olds are more fit than this guy. He had a freakishly large head and reminded me so much of this Family Guy character.
The other date was as secretive as an undercover spy but was cute enough that I was willing to put up with his artful dodging of my questions. At the last moment he changed the date to a bottle of wine on his couch. I suspect he actually had a girlfriend and didn’t really care who showed up at his house that night. With no one else on the horizon, I may have to meet the guy behind the dumpster at the 7-11 after all.
I also went to the farmers market to buy from my grumpy vendor. This week she was happy, chatty and offered to put aside whatever I wanted since she was mostly sold out by the time I arrived. I also made a quick stop at a small business vendor event at The Elk’s club in White Rock.
Scene: Saturday Night- I’m out at a show. My phone starts going mental, I check the notifications because I assume there is a life and death emergency that I need to attend to. Nope it’s a guy on one of the dating websites. Let me give you a transcript…
Dude is a 33 year old, no profile picture, nothing written in his profile other than he’s looking for a woman between 18 and 51.
Me- well obviously that’s me. Urban goddess frequents yoga studios, coffee shops and farmer’s markets.
Dude– You looks very sexy
Dude– Do you live in New Westminster why don’t we meet tomorrow at Hops pub. only if interested (note: dive bar under a train station that I wouldn’t be caught dead in)
Dude– I’m a dark brown athletic young guy
Me– Hopps????? That’s pretty low rent. Behind the 7-11 on 12th st is too fancy? (note: even shittier part of town)
Dude– Ok can we meet there
Dude– Are you interested?
Me– Sure I’m already there. To the left of the dumpster. Ignore the dude in the fedora. Please bring mustard. All will be explained later.
Dude– Can we meet in the afternoon (note: it was at this point that I realized I had a dumb one)
Me– Oh that might be tough. I have a business meeting at The Ivanhoe and a coffee thing at the Number 7 Orange. And then I’m saving baby whales at night. Darn. It might not work. (note: the Ivanhoe is a bar, and the Number 7 Orange is a strip club both are in skid row)
Dude-Till what time you will be there
Me– Well… Tough to say. Maybe you should just go there. Obviously I will never arrive but maybe you will find what you’re looking for.
Dude– Who is there?
Dude– I love to meet you
Me– Thank you for being the must dense guy in a while. You will be featured on my blog.
Dude– Can we meet?
Me– Not a chance
meet you here, bring mustard
What’s a eco-singleton to do but put herself out there on the internet and wait for the strangest fish in the ocean to swim on by. My friends and co-workers are so entertained by the strange responses I get. Some websites are better than others. This might become a new feature on the blog. Maybe instead of Adventures in Online Dating it should be called “Feature Creature”?
Sadly this was the most normal part of the conversation. After I told him his lack of conversation skills was the reason he was single, he then sent me a very very long response explaining why this was a perfectly acceptable start to a conversation with a stranger. I didn’t save that part of the conversation but rest assured, it was full on crazy.