Feeling Conflicted


Warning this is a rambley post…

For the past few months I’ve not been feeling well.  At first I blamed my lack of energy on poor will-power and laziness.  After getting my routine blood tests back, I learned that it wasn’t just laziness, something wasn’t right.  Although I don’t yet have a diagnosis, I have seen the latest results and I have a feeling it’s an auto-immune disease.


So why am I feeling so conflicted?  About 10 years ago I developed an auto-immune disease and it was the catalyst for changing my lifestyle.  It was the canary in the mine telling me that bad things we coming if I didn’t make big changes.  It was then that I changed to a gluten-free plant based diet.  I instantly felt so much better and I thought I was home-free.  So if I’m I can’t help but wonder what I’m doing wrong.  Up until a few months ago I was eating a primarily raw vegan, gluten-free, organic diet.  So, why is my immune system attacking itself?  Maybe it has nothing to do with my diet at all.

I’m seeing my family doctor, who is a traditional doctor but is open to alternative medicine.  So here’s the dilemma, take a pill and put a Band-Aid over the auto-immune disease, or pay for a naturopath and hope that there is a way to stop the progression of the disease.  Intense internet searching has shown me that this might be the way to go.  However, I met a woman a few years ago who was trying to cure the same disease naturally, she looked like death, she had no spark at all.  She was so ill, do I want to go through that?

What if I don’t ever find out what’s causing the auto-immune disease?  Will I continue to get more?  It’s a frightening thought.

As I’ve been typing this post, I came to a decision.  Whenever I’m stuck making a decision, I sit with one choice and then the other.  For example: I can’t see a naturopath and continuing with my doctor is the only option, and then flipping the scenario.  Usually I find that I have a strong feeling of regret or sadness one decision or the other.  In this case, I decided the best decision is to not choose between 2 options, but rather find a way to do both.  There is a naturopath school 2 blocks from my home.  The cost is about half of the cost of typical naturopath fees.  My extended medical coverage for naturopathic medicine is not good, but at half the price I would be able to afford the cost. I’ve never seen a naturopath, so I don’t know what I’d be in for.  Should I blog about my experience?  Is the universe interested?


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